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Thursday, 1 August 2013

Las Vegas...Auckland style

The whole last week, I missed Durkheim… a lot. I haven’t got over him just yet. I’m sure you know whom I’m talking about. Emile Durkheim…you know….. the sociologist guy….the one who spent a good part of his life studying suicide.  He came to memorable conclusions in regards to who may commit suicide and more importantly why. Remarkable study really; read it if you haven’t already!  After a whole week of all sorts of events, I came to the conclusion that Durkheim has definitely forgotten a major cause of suicide...customer service. But at least he got it right saying that suicide rates are higher in times of now days. It took me some time, but I finally know why. 

So, a while back, I decided to use my maiden name. Nothing wrong with that. It’s my name, I inherited it and I like it. I made it public at the time and even my editors understood…after some good thinking… Basically everybody did, except some cheeky customer service staff. You see? I have accounts (you have as well, don’t even worry) on another name, one that means nothing to me anymore. So here I was, phoning consciously for months, every single day, my power, Internet, phone, satellite suppliers and many other companies I work with.  In my opinion, the procedure should be very simple: turn the computer on if it’s not on already, open my file (I sure have one!), delete a surname and replace it with another one. This is what it should have happened in a normal world. In nasty customer service world though, the procedure is very similar to a CIA case. Suspicion all over the place. Am I who I say I am? Actually yes, because as they can see, the one I am still pays for the bills. But just to make things easier for them, I emailed all sorts of customer service, starting with Mary and finishing with John (for your information, there were like 5 Marys and 8 Johns, all with odd accents) copies of what ever they asked for. Now, I am even expecting to be asked for referrals from my neighbors, my hairdresser, my butcher and the Indian guy from the veggie shop next door. I’ll supply them all if this is what they want. But they don’t. Hopeless customer service cannot sort my problem out because they don’t have a procedure in place. Apparently they never had a request like mine. Seriously? Am I the first person who separates or divorces in this country?... cause this would make me quite proud. I always wanted to be number one! 

I moved in a spiral for months. Therefore I thought of abusing some of the customer service staff  (exemplary abuse, of course!), but this is so not me. So, just to help out a little bit more, as a good girl I am, I came up with a solution. What if they close my account on my previous name and open one on my new name? That’s not possible either, they told me, because there is no procedure for it. As you see, in the same spiral, guys, just playing cha-cha... a step forwards, one backwards. So while in my spa, listening to Chopin, I decided over a plan.  I won’t phone anymore, I won’t talk to all sorts of staff.  I’ll just leave it as it is. I have better things to do. They can send me the bills on whatever name they want. They can even call me names if that makes them happy. I can suggest some if they don't have  a procedure for that either. 

Guys, you know how much I love my life…every little bit of it. And this great world! There are only two things I cannot stand: mediocrity and stupidity. I’m sure that if stupidity would shine, some customer service offices would look very much like Las Vegas! :)

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