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Thursday, 28 November 2013

How to catch the perfect guy

What do men talk about when they have a men cave day? I have no idea really, but I know what chick do chat about. Men! And when I mean men, it's all about men from A to Z. I know that because that's what my girlies talk about when we have a cool, relaxing, girlie day. Like today. 

So here I was with my fav girlie in the whole wide world, Miriam, having the best day ever. You know what I mean, don't you? A little bit of shopping, a coffee here, a chat there... all sorts really, just analysing our lives, what 's good and what's bad, what's too much and what's missing. My problems? No problems, by the way, which is good. Hers? Nothing whatsoever. But we know other girlies that suffer, so why not making a whole dissection of their issues. Men, that's their main concern if you don't know it already. Actually lack of men! So where can you find a great guy when you don't have any in your life? Sport fields? Wrong! Those guys are too preoccupied with sweating and playing the ball that they wouldn't even notice your perfect eyeshadow...nor your desperation! In clubs and pubs? Wrong again! Those duds are too drunk to perform later on. At your uni maybe? Nope for the third time! You don't need a nerd, chicks! So where? On one of the dating sites? Seriously? Small chance again, because most of the chaps are in multiple relationships already. I heard stories...Where again then? 

Miriam and I scraped the subject for quite a while. Then Edison's bulb lightened up suddenly. Remember that we are both blondes, I mean super blondes, and we, blondies always have an answer for absolutely everything. How to catch a great guy?  Simple. Go to Pak'nSave. Now wait. There is a catch here. You want a sporty, relaxed guy? Pak'nSave Mangere is the answer. All the muscle definition is there, starting with a smooth quad and finishing with a strong biceps. You want a surfer? Go to Pak'nSave Silverdale around 2ish in the afternoon. The guys are there in between two waves. If you want a classy one, you would have to drive to Pak'nSave CBD...but not before 7pm.  You want a corporate one, don't you? Black tie guys finish sorting out their emails, stock taking and phone callings around So please chose carefully which of the locations works better for you. Once there, look around. Have you seen him? Fine. Firstly check if your makeup is perfect. Then go closer and have a look at what he has in his trolley. Remember that a guy who buys tampons is definitely in a relationship. Not so sure though about a dude who buys condoms. He may be or may want to be in a sort of connection with another girlie. So none of those are your catch. The guy you are looking for has in his trolley steak, peas, bacon, maybe beans and wine for sure. This is your prince, sweeties, so be ready to approach him. You know how to do it. Big eyes, duck lips and a little bit of surprise on your face. "Wow, you like peas too!!!! How do you cook it?", would do it. Then listen to whatever stupid recipe he gives you...and remember that peas are peas and there  are not many options other than heating it up somehow. And wait...and wait even more... until he offers to cook himself the stupid peas...for you only...tonight. You see? Easy. You can have the man of your dream in just a few moves. 

So girlies, don't wander around too much; no need to make a profile on a dating website...or to wait until your buddies hook you up on a blind date with a ridiculous guy. Just go to Pak'nSave. Remember that location is the key. Now, if you are a guy and want to meet the princess you can take home to your mama...go to Pak'nSave too. Throw some steak, wine, bacon and peas in your trolley and...wait. One of my chicks will approach you and ask how you cook the peas. She's the one because she put so much attention to detail in meeting you. Now don't ask me if I've experiment myself what I preach because....I shop at Countdown! :)

Click here to email Brigitte

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

A blonde world for New Year

I am looking forward to the New Year' Every girl should have one, so, if you are a girl, you know what I mean. You know even more about it....if you're blonde! Party, yes, party in style baby! Bubbly, good food (followed by indigestion the next day!), inspiring music. But that's not all. How can I forget the outfit? Best heels, as high as possible, fluffy dress, long enough to only cover...the underwear! So I am looking forward to all the fuss, why not? I know exactly what I'd wear, I even decided over the makeup....but I don't have a New Year's resolution list and I cannot stand that. Yes, it bothers me that all my girlies know what they want to do next year. I suck at planing dreams just because dreams are to be dreamt. And let's be honest, when a dream comes true, that's not a dream anymore. But you know me already. I wouldn't want to be less than my chicks are so I need a resolution list badly...and as soon as possible. Otherwise I would look stupid. Now wait a sec: I am blonde, not stupid! 

So let's just analyse together why do I need my list....and blame it on somebody else. Like on the Babylonians. That would do! They are the ones who invented New Year's parties, they should be cursed for my list! They won't be upset though...I blame them anyway for inventing money... But New Year's resolutions was not their fault though. It's the Roman's...again. Apparently everything starts in included! Wrong again. Everything starts with Rome. That sounds better. The Romans, proud and strong nation (so strong that they disappeared!) invented New Year's resolutions. Maybe their only resolution was to survive the Feast of Circumcision that was held the next day, on 1st of January (excuse me...Janus) of each year. 

Anyway, a list should have many as better! So what do I want? Health, wealth...and a new belt for my red dress. None in my power...except the belt, which I can get myself before the New Year party starts. Now seriously what? I am thinking about something realist that I can achieve with no effort. Imagine my girlies' faces when I would tell them, early in the new year, that I have reached all my goals on my resolution list. Deal done. I have to make it simple. A better year? Nope, because 2013 is the best year of my life. Better than 2012 anyway, when I was waiting (like the rest of this planet to see if the world ends or not!). I said simple, I am sticking to that. I just want what's in my destiny to have. Love, fun, a beautiful world with beautiful people in it...or in a few words: I want my blonde world to be even blonder! That won't hurt anybody...and it is so easy to achieve.:)

Click here to email Brigitte

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Dear Santa...

I am big on Christmas. Not big as fat. No way. I am a Personal Trainer, I wouldn't do that to myself. Just big as special. At Christmas, I want do do everything and be everything. This year though I forgot about Christmas. But not for long because the shops reminded me that I have less than a month to cover my blondness and dream about what I could be...this Christmas. So I 'd let the shops  organise their little party.  I am sure it would pay off. Me? Ahh, in such a rush to write a long, long letter to Santa. He loves me more than his own existence...or not. 

"Dear Santa

I haven't been as good as you may think I was. No, I haven't lied...I'm too blonde for that...and I still blush so I would have been discovered anyway. But I haven't been boringly good. You know me, Santa. Too fast, too precise and too analytical. I almost forgot: much too intense. I promised last year to be a better driver...and I am still useless...a real embarrassment for the driving race. I still cannot stand up for myself. I rather swallow my temper and let others win the battle. I still love pink and wear my princess headbands. My dresses are too short and I have to admit...shamelessly...that this is the way I like them. I am still not embarrassed wearing my heels. I am still not a jeans-jandals girl. I still say the naked truth and weird things that are just average and normal in my own world. And yes, Santa, I still live in my own world. You don't know how hard it was to build it and bring it to perfection. I still hide in my own world...just because I don't want to hurt people. I am still afraid of what gravity may do to my body someday. So please don't even go there! I still talk to my puppy Hendrix more than I talk to real people. I do it when nobody sees me because I don't want to seem weirder than I am. I still sing loud in the shower...only when I am home alone. 

So I haven't been as good as others. But you're not perfect either. First of all, you, Santa, are Christmas is by the way. I know that people associate Christmas with Christianity. Wrong. Christmas was a celebration way before the first christian declared christianity a way of life. You, Santa, and I know that Romans celebrated the week between 17 and 25th December as a time of peace and lawlessness. Good time to let revenge do justice because all the Roman courts were closed. I am not saying that you, Santa, are a fraud. I am not one either. We are who we are, but I have to say the truth about Christmas. And we both know that Christmas like marriage are pagan rituals. None of them have anything to do with Christianity or any other religion. If Christmas was so obvious in ancient Rome, marriage was recorded in ancient Greek times, when a father handover his daughter for..reproduction  duties. Aren't you and I smart, Santa? But no fraud!

So I was thinking very well, dear Santa, and decided that, even if I wasn't too good (again!), I still want a prezzy. I just want a jolly good Christmas (pagan or not!). I also want to dress up as an angel (that I'm not!) and live happily in my own blonde I always did. I know the rules, Santa. I made them! Wait. I also want to be able to make people around me happy. Just to bring smiles on people's faces actually. This would make my Christmas angelical. I am sure you can help me out, Santa. No shopping involved, no wrapped prezzies, no fakes...just good old me bringing my share of happiness to others. 

P.S. By the way, Santa...I still love you and promise for the million time that...I may be better next year...or not!" :)

Click here to email Brigitte