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Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Hollywood, here I come! :)

Sometimes I miss my girlies...the ones I left behind when I moved from the big city to the small, beachy town. Not just them, mostly the chit chats we  had about...what about actually? What do girls talk when they are getting wild? The big screen, who's on it and who's out for good! I still keep myself informed because I have no clue when one of my chicks would decide to visit...and I don't want to look dumb! So, after I've been internalising a very complicated situation in my head, I agreed that the last thing I wanted was Monique to say I was dumb! I don't like watching TV, but I have to! Therefore I installed, not one, but two teles, each connected to its own digital provider. I run Sky  and Freeview in the same time because I have to be informed! Mostly gossips....and reality shows! And to be above my girlie babes, I decided to start living the life the starlets do. The only difference is that they, the nobodies who play the role of somebodies, are getting paid big bucks for being nothing else than themselves. I can do that! Being me is a full time job anyway! So let me, the blondie, be the one who brings some huge shows to New Zealand!

So, yesterday morning I kind of wanted to be the undercovered boss. How nice "Undercover Boss New Zealand", proudly brought by me, the boss with no employees, sounds! So I left behind my pink outfits and stepped into my studio...where I had a deep convo, from boss to employee, with myself, of course. I got to the point where I had to congratulate myself for some decisions and penalise me for others. But them I realised that there was the moment to write some cheques and give away a holiday or a new car or myself again, in the absence of any employees. I had a look to my boring bank account and....  I changed back to my pink and short outfits!

So, next step, "The Voice" New Zealand. I could sing, no doubt...but I need my drum kit...for a little bit of rhythm...or to cover my voice! And my drums have a spring missing, so I have to keep the silence for the next few days, just until my spring arrives via the Courier Post. Now, we all know how well this service works. Therefore, if I am lucky and I get the missing piece (which I doubt), I may have the pleasure to delight my neighbours. At this stage, The Voice NZ is still on cards. I just have to ask the neighbours before if they agree to be my judges. 

The Bachelorette New Zealand was my next thought, but I had to bring a twist that would make the show more attractive. Firstly I needed something more exciting than roses, something like.... dumbbells. What's wrong with that? I am a Personal Trainer and dumbbells are my best friends! My question to the possible bachelors would then be "So and so, would you accept this dumbbell? Very original by the way, but there was one small problem! I don't want a bachelor!

X Factor New Zealand would be the best for me! If I don't have the factor, I don't know who would! I could show the country pretty much everything. I could even compete with my puppy Hendrix, the only dog in the world that does nothing is told to! We could mess something out together. Comparing to him, Marley is a very well behaved quadruped! I also have other talents to show off. Like the slowest car tyre changer in the whole world. No, this won't do it, so back to Hendrix again. He can prove how many shoes he can destroy in a minute. You know which minute. The one when you just turn away to hang the washing out. Turn back to him....all the shoes pieces! If this is not a winner, then no other act is!

I could also bring Jersey Shore or Geordie Shore to New Zealand! Our original title would be Bro Shore NZ. Bear with me for a sec! I could play a main act in the show, yes I could! I could swear, just wend me across the script a little bit. To be perfectly honest, I still have problems with swearing, but I am a fast learner! But no, on a second thought. I have no intention of showing my bits off live! 

What about "Keeping up with the Abrahams"...New Zealand, of course? Sounds brilliant, isn't it? I just have to round my buddy a little bit and I will be good to go. I could do the duck lips pose, I could talk nonsense, I could even make a tragedy out of nothing and tell the whole world about it. The only problem is...the buddy. But working on it, no doubt!

I have so many ideas about "fabulous" reality shows that New Zealand would benefit of...or not! The whole day yesterday I tried to figure out which one to start with. I tried harder today. Still no decision, so I decided to join a Garden Club in the meantime. At least I'd learn something that I could really use in the future. More than I could learn if I join a Tupperware party, because I already know how to put a lid on a plastic box! But, to be honest, I haven't told the other members about my intention of ravishing the producers with my tele talents. Not because I was shy...just because I didn't want to be kicked out before accepting me as a member! :)

Monday, 7 July 2014

Treats for the love of my life

I believe in miracles and in all sorts of spooky things others wouldn't bother  even considering. I believe that people have the power to change and the world could become a better place, which through my blondness eyes looks like Alice's wonderland. No, I'm not an incurable naive. I know by now that Easter bunny is a fake while unicorns are real...or the other way around? Anyway, the fact is that I still believe in miracles....and Hendrix is one of them. And just to prove that I am right, I decided to take him to training school. Not quite...just to doggy obedience course. But, once in my life, I wanted to make it right, so I even paid for a One-on-One session before the course starts. Here is the story.

As naughty as Hendrix is, I dearly love him. Some of my neighbours not so much though. The animal officer from the local Council turning up to my door proves that. My neighbours may be stubborn, but wait to see me. I am Miss Stubbornness herself. I could win the Nobel Prize for stubbornness if somebody would invent it! I may lost some battles here and there, but I always won the deciding war. Hendrix is the love of my life, a huge 15 months old Labrador- Ridgeback cross, black from head to toes, naughty and demanding.  And a little bit special. Just like me! With this thought in my mind I drove Hendrix to his private lesson with a real dog whisperer. Not because I thought she, the trainer, can do miracles in 60 minutes (I tried for 15 months and nothing happened!) or because I had too much money floating around. Just because the obedience course starts next week and I don't want Hendrix to be "Student of the day" on his first day at doggy school. Plus I hate people rolling their eyes when he does only what he wants. 

The lady was very friendly. And patient! She had bags of treats for Hendrix that proves that she read carefully the email I sent her about the Prince of Darkness and his very special behaviour. She certainly did that because she even brought some extra leashes.... in case Hendrix decided to take off. Which he didn't by the day because he loves his food and treats are his favourites. They work like this: Hendrix does what he wants and I reward him for...what for by the way? But the lady knew her job very well and, as I've said, she was patient...extremely patient. While she taught my puppy stuff that he knows anyway but he doesn't want to do, the whisperer's two gorgeous Border Collies sat nicely in her car...with all the doors opened. No running away, which made me jealous. Even Hendrix noticed their good behaviour and, just to prove it, he threw a tantrum...Hendrix style, with yelling and barking and rolling on the grass while pulling my shoulder out of the socket. Thank God, my dear baby got bored fast and, when he noticed that the treats stopped coming, had to give up. I told you that my baby Hendrix loves his food!

By the end of the session, Hendrix learnt a lot. He now knows that he can get lots and lots of treats, not for good behaviour,...just because he is mine! I am relieved and ready to start the 8 week obedience course. No fears anymore.  Hendrix will not be the worse dog enrolled in a good behaviour course. I will make sure of that. I have books and a special folder from my dog whisperer, a very fancy leash and....treats! Heaps of them! Plus there are 6 more days left until the course starts, so I can practice. No, not the training! Just how fast I would be able to deliver treats. As faster as better I guess, because, with his mouth full, my naughty puppy cannot make those funny sounds he usually does ... more like ultrasounds really! 

On a brighter note, the lady is the best dog trainer I have ever met. And I've seen a few! She is my hope in a miracle. Hendrix the miracle! And if I have no clue how much Hendrix will enjoy the course, I know for sure what I am going to wear during the sessions. That baggy jacket with enormous pockets! You don't imagine how many treats I can hide in them! :)

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